by Kelly Steward

Consider our “to do” list ... that seemingly never-ending mental scroll that if it was rolled out, it might stretch the entire length of a football field. It’s the list that we add to when we wake up in the middle of the night thanks to our new water intake goals. It’s the list that is not only our own—the kids add to it when they have a project due or need a new dress for the school dance or when they get invited to the third bar mitzvah this school year. Husbands and bosses also get to add to the list, at will. As many tasks as we are able to check off, we never quite seem to be able to catch up.

There comes a time each year when I stop checking off and start to check out. It’s the gift to myself that I never regret –The Solo Trip. Yes, I do a family trip every year and I’m always down for a good girl’s trip, but I really look forward to my trip alone. It may sound selfish, but it’s not self-ish, it’s self-preservation. It’s an investment in my mental health. It’s the pinnacle of my self-care journey for the season.

At first it was awkward; being on vacation by myself. I felt like a new colt, trying to get my legs under me. Dining alone felt like I was on display at the Bronx Zoo. Come look at this exotic creature: the Lone Woman. I had to engage in some positive self-talk to change my perspective. The greatest gift I could give myself was to stop making excuses and gift myself these trips that feed my soul.

A few days away, being next to the beach restores my soul. The walks along the water’s edge marveling in God’s creation bring me a peace that I don’t get anywhere else. These feelings of being overwhelmed and the stress that is associated with walking out this thing called life melt away with each wave I hear crash on the shore.

Just sit and imagine for a moment how it feels to have many hours to ourselves with no one needing or demanding anything from us. Now expand the imagination to include days. In this scheduled “Me” time, I’ll go get a massage, sit by the pool and sunbathe, read on the beach, go shopping at the mall … whatever my brain can dream up and my pockets can afford.

The prospect of solo travel can be daunting. The logistics alone are enough to elicit anxiety in the most organized of individuals. What airline to travel, to stay in a hotel or Airbnb or Vrbo, to rent a car or to call an uber … these are just a few of the cares that we don’t have to take on should we choose to hire a professional travel agent. Check out www.TravelsStateOfMind.com to assist with your travel needs. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. This is an investment in our mental health … make sure you do research.

Decide which type of trip will bring about the most benefits including peace of mind, whether it features the relaxing sounds of waves or the majestic views from mountains. Determine how much time that’s available to be away. Factor in not only vacation time, but the commitments of others in the household. We don’t want to be in a situation where we’re attempting to relax and can’t because we’re thinking and wondering if everyone is where they need to be. Once we cross our t’s and dot our i’s, surrender control. We can’t be everyone’s everything. People can and will survive without us for a few days.

Plan out the trip, but be flexible in the itinerary. Sometimes the trip doesn’t go as planned. Once I chose a sunny, warm destination and it rained all week long. At first, disappointment began to seep into my bones, but then I changed the narrative. What other time could I nap as much as I want to and lazily walk around the condo in my pjs, putting off my shower and reveling in the ability to do nothing. It was the most restorative trip I’ve ever been on in my life. I invite us all to try the solo trip. It’s almost a guaranteed return on our investment.

Kelly Steward ([email protected]) is a freelance writer, compensation manager and mother of two teenagers. She is a South Jersey local with a passion for travel. When she’s not writing, Kelly showcases her compassion toward young people and women through various philanthropic initiatives.