by Natalie Gervasio 

As human beings, we feel deeply. We are affected by others and how others respond and react to us. This can cause us to feel like we are on a rollercoaster of emotions, especially if someone is reacting in a way that puts us on the defensive. A co-worker passes by and gives us that “look”.  We know what that “look” is. That “look” that says “Who do you think you are?” Our mood suddenly shifts to a negative mindset, just from a “look”.    

Now, it is possible that we misinterpreted that “look.” Perhaps the co-worker was deep in thought and that look wasn’t even meant for us. Maybe they were having a bad day and that look was letting us know that. There is also the possibility that maybe that look was meant for us. We really don’t know. We assume the intention of the look based on our own insecurities and history. And that voice in our head which keeps playing the scenario repeatedly and “confirms” that what we are thinking is correct just doesn’t help. The fact that the mind keeps playing the scenario repeatedly just keeps us living in that destressed state of mind which leads to the rollercoaster of emotions.   

The key to overcoming letting others’ actions affect our mood is detachment. To know that we are not our emotions and feelings, it is just what we are feeling at the time. Whatever we are feeling will eventually pass. Nothing is permanent including our current mood.  

The goal is to be like the bottom of the ocean in a hurricane. When someone says or does something that hurts or angers us, we are going to feel hurt and angry, but the goal is to not to stay in that state of mind for hours, days or weeks.  

Think about the ocean in a hurricane or bad storm. The top of the ocean is very turbulent; waves are crashing, and the water is very choppy. However, think about the deepest depths of the ocean, miles down at the very bottom.  The ocean floor is more serene, not as disturbed as the top of the ocean. The water may be a little wavy, but not nearly as turbulent as the top of the ocean.   

When we don’t identify as our emotions and feelings, we are at the bottom of the ocean floor, untouched by the storm above.    

Natalie Gervasio is a Certified Spiritual and Mindfulness Life Coach with The Journey Within, based in New Jersey. For more information, call 856-259-3779, email [email protected] or visit JourneyWithinMe.com.