by Natalie Gervasio 

When we think of acceptance, we tend to think that we need to be okay with whatever is happening. We think that accepting means we should just let whatever is being done happen.  Then our ego mind gets in to the “this shouldn’t be happening” mode and this isn’t the way life should be” mode. This state of mind of what should be happening is really denying the truth of the reality of the situation. This denial of the reality of the situation adds a whole other layer of “suffering” to the situation. Not only are we dealing with a challenging or frustrating situation, now we are dealing with the resistance of the situation on top of the reality that we are faced with. The opposite of resistance is acceptance.   

Radical Acceptance is the key to not banging our head against the wall in situations; to not resist the truth of your current reality. A very simple, easy, everyday example of this would be sitting in traffic on our way to somewhere that we need to be. We are driving in our car on the way to work and are faced with a traffic jam which is now going to make us late to work. This angers and frustrates us. Our feelings are valid, but may not be helpful. We are now all tense, perhaps yelling at the traffic. Unfortunately, our reaction to this situation does not help move the traffic along. What our mind is saying is “this shouldn’t be happening, I don’t have time for this, this isn’t fair.” So here we sit feeling helpless, a victim of our circumstance. What we don’t realize is that we have a choice in this situation. No, we cannot control the traffic situation, but what we can control is our reaction or better yet, your response to the situation. We can choose to sit feeling frustrated, angry and helpless, or we can choose to respond in a different way. We can catch up on some phone calls that we have not had time for or we can put on our favorite music which will help your current mood.   

We may not have a choice of what we are faced with, but we always have a choice of our response to the reality of the situation. Accepting what we are faced with does not mean we agree with it or are saying it is okay. Once we radically accept our current reality, then we no longer feel helpless. We can make a conscious decision of how to respond which leads to empowerment.      

Natalie Gervasio is a Certified Spiritual and Mindfulness Life Coach with The Journey Within, based in New Jersey. For more information, call 856-259-3779, email [email protected] or visit JourneyWithinMe.com.