by Dr. Kathy Milano 

I received a thank you note from a young woman as her assignment for a college psychology class. 

This unexpected delight had a bonus: it was delivered in person and read aloud to me. The shared sentiment was beautiful and felt lovely to receive, yet the best was yet to come. 

In the midst of reading through tears and smiles, she stopped to exclaim “I am just so proud of myself!” 

We both overflowed with happiness in that moment. It was thrilling to witness her realization that she was the one who had orchestrated her own transformation. Happy dance. Hug. Tissues. 

This made me write a global thank you note to all psychology teachers: 

“Thank you for teaching the students the positive benefits of gratitude via writing thank you notes. I’ve received a few of these in my life and they meant the world to me. I’ve felt such appreciation for the writer, been inspired by their courage and kindness, and was motivated to continue helping others. This real life teaching tool worked both ways and led me to realize the importance of sending my own thank you notes.” 

I remember writing thank you notes as a child after every birthday, Christmas, and special occasion. 

Truth be told, I did them because I was required to by my parents. It was a struggle to fill those small notes with the right words that somehow conveyed my gratitude without sounding scripted. I truly felt the appreciation for people’s kindness, yet it was an awkward task as a child and teen to translate my feeling into the written word. 

As an adult who has grown into the comfort of expressing gratitude with words, it is now a pleasure to write, type, text, or voice my appreciation. I do it often. 

“Dear Mom and Dad, thanks so much for holding me responsible for sending thank you notes for every darn gift I ever received. I didn’t know it at the time, but that practice created a beautiful mindset and lifetime habit of translating my feelings of gratitude into action. I never thought of the impact a thank you note had on another person when I was a kid. I get it now.” 

Research in positive psychology, brain science, and mind/body medicine have demonstrated that practicing gratitude has the potential to lead to greater happiness and health. 

Cultivating gratitude as a mindset may increase levels of self-esteem, optimism, and empathy, as well as bolster your immune system, decrease stress, and improve sleep. As expected, feeling gratitude and taking the action to express your appreciation has the potential to improve relationships. 

When you take the action, such as writing a thank you note, you are bringing the inner feeling of gratitude into form. 

NOT ALL THANK YOU NOTES HAVE TO BE DELIVERED. 

When you are engaged in a healing process after someone hurt you, you may come to a time when your gratitude and compassion inform your understanding. The thank you note becomes a ritual of release and forgiveness as the self empowering action of healing emerges. 

Write from the heart, read it aloud, and then rip it up to let the energy flow out from your newfound understanding into the world. This ritual empowers you to transcend challenging times and define how you choose to be present in your life. Ripples of healing happen in the world even when you’re not directly communicating your feelings or new understanding. Imagine a world where you mindfully considered the gifts given by others, large and small, and took the time to share your heartfelt appreciation for the giver and the impact on your life. 

Exciting discoveries in neuroscience reveal that your brain responds to offering and receiving appreciation. You are actually wired to “catch” the feeling of gratitude. When someone shares why they’re grateful for you, it inspires you to step into that higher version of yourself. And pay it forward. Very quickly the ripple effect of gratitude is felt in your body, mind, energy, and your relationships. It becomes second nature to share your appreciation with strangers and pause to let those you work, play, and live with know why you are grateful for them. 

SHOULD YOU TEXT, CALL, WRITE A THANK YOU NOTE, OR SEND A GIFT OF GRATITUDE? 

That’s totally up to you. Yet, I’ll make a suggestion. Do your own research. How does it feel to quickly fire off a text of thanks. Or receive one. How does that compare with taking the time to write and mail a handwritten note. Or receive one. Is there any added benefit by adding an in person call, a hug, or bringing a small gift? Or receiving any of the above. 

Gratitude enhances wellbeing. It changes how you relate to the world from the inside out. And thus, it changes the world from the outside in. Thanks for that. I’m really excited to live in a world with a human family who easily expresses appreciation and goes out of their way to let others know why they matter. 

Design your own gratitude experiment and someday in the future, drop me a line to let me know how it’s going. 

Peace be with you and with all.  No exceptions.  

Kathy Milano, PhD is the founder of Soul Sanctuary in Moorestown, NJ. www.kathymilano.com