by Dr. Kathy Milano 

I was leaving Panera one day, hotfooting it back to work with soup in hand, when I witnessed the sweetest thing. 

After holding the door for his wife, a man reached over to take her hand. Very slowly, this ancient couple meandered down the sidewalk, talking and walking as if they had all the time in the world and no one they’d rather spend it with.  

Catching myself gawking, I gathered my delighted smile and sauntered over to my car.  

Making a note to myself to invite my husband to hold hands when we’re old got me to thinking. Perhaps we should start practicing in earnest now, strolling about with no particular place to go, as if our future well-being depended on it … because it does. 

Come to think of it, I wondered why I wasn’t holding hands with more people.  

I reflected on when and why I stop reaching for the hands of my parents, daughter and friends. It’s such a sweet practice that society relegates to romantic relationships, parents with young kids or support for the elderly. While I won’t reach for my big kid’s hand these days, I could tuck my arm in hers, enjoying the closeness and attending to our conversation more closely.  

Here’s the thing about social interaction and touch—it’s essential if you want to live long and prosper.  

Just ask the centenarians that live on the Italian island of Sardinia. 

Not only do they report having the highest percentage of people that live to 100 or beyond, but more couples make it to the finish line together in Sardinia than anywhere else in the world. 

I hear they are paying people to come live in that mountainous island. Imagine that. Paying you to get daily exercise, eat a big lunch of fresh food and followed by a nap. Family in Sardinia is the priority and they’ve nailed the work-life balance. No long work hours or using achievement as a benchmark of worth for those longevity magnets. A few days a week, they don’t even head back to work after that nap, leaving more time to chat with their neighbors.  

Researchers have studied influences on longevity, such as genetic markers, diet, health practices, social connection and environment.  

You might enjoy watching the series Chasing Life on CNN with Sanjay Gupta, M.D. In the episode on Sardinia, I was heartened by those spry brothers that met at the coffee shop and the number of ancient couples still hanging out together. Those folks walked everywhere up and down hills, waving to the neighbors sitting in the windows and popping in to shop for an item or have a chat.  

Seems that all this socializing is good for you.  

Research has revealed that having one to three intimate relationships is good for your health. It’s also beneficial to have three to five mini-contacts with other humans every single day. These casual encounters might include waving to the post man, talking to the neighbor or petting their dog, visiting colleagues at the water cooler or having screen time with your cousins in California. Scrolling social media or hitting the like button doesn’t count, and actually may hurt when it’s excessive, incites envy or replaces good old face-to-face contact. 

Cultivating intimate relationships and taking a moment to chat with the checkout clerk may increase happiness, longevity, good health and a sense of meaning.  

Sure, it’s a good idea to eat well, exercise regularly, take naps when you’re pooped and balance work and play. It might even be a good idea to learn Italian and go live a pleasurable, slow and long life in Sardinia. If that’s too big of a leap, start walking around your town or neighborhood.  

That lovely couple reminded me that human touch adds a bonus to social engagement. 

Like sprinkles on your cupcake, touch may be easily added to your focus on social connection, health behavior, mindset and lifestyle.  

You know that touch is a strong component of healthy development in humans, animals and marine mammals. Yet, appropriate and gentle touching of one another seems to drop off as you age. Not for those lucky enough to have cuddly partners, kids and grandkids, puppies and kittens. All that hugging and holding keeps those feel-good chemicals flowing and encourages social connection in a meaningful way.  

If you’re living alone, and perhaps working remotely, you can consciously and creatively examine how you may cultivate more intimate friendships and casual social interactions.  

It’s really important to consider what’s most comfortable for you regarding the power of appropriate touch. Not everybody enjoys the touchy-feely approach. That’s cool. Your best way of connecting considers what makes sense for you. Remember to regularly give your hands or feet a good massage, cuddle with your pet and connect with others in a way that feels safe to you and them.  

If you want to hold hands when you’re old, now is a good time to start practicing your particular way of leaning in and strengthening your social connections.  

I’m off to perform my own experiment with lots of hand holding, arm linking, hugging and leaning in shoulder to shoulder with friends and family. I’ll toss in some good eye contact, deep listening and expressed enthusiasm for being together. This approach might seem a bit much with random strangers, so I’ll just add in a few more handshakes and smiles as I seek my three to five social interactions per day.  

And I fully I expect that one day, perhaps when we’re 102, that some young thing outside Panera will be gawking at me holding hands with my fella.  

Kathy Milano, Ph.D., is the founder of Soul Sanctuary, in Moorestown, NJ. For more information visit www.KathyMilano.com  or to make an appointment, call 856-778-1981.